February, month n.2 of the Rule of Five, brought no purchases and an introspection on body shape and weight.
THOUGHT N.1
Truth is, my body changed in the last couple of years and I never accepted it or learned how to love it, no matter the hours of therapy. I wouldn’t look at myself in the mirror or mirrored in any window, I resisted appreciating how things wrapped my body in what I thought were the wrong parts, hence I substituted my usual sizes for Large and Extra Large, with no long term plan, just survival and covering tent-like.
When addressing the weight gain, the doctor started talking about exercising, BMI and cholesterol, it’s all blurred now, but I vividly remember snapping out of the blabber “I never had to exercise in my life, I have always been slender, my food intake hasn’t changed, I am not going to start now. I love food and hate exercising.” Both the doctor and I didn’t see eye to eye and I am sure both of us thought “can’t believe she’s gonna lecture me” and politely parted ways.
And yes, it was perimenopause, that fucker that screws your life in so many ways it’s scary, nobody knows how to address it, nobody can foresee how or when it will affect your existence, let alone fix it. And yes I felt the subconscious pressure to look at my body and judge it based on an ideal image that corresponds to some strict measurements, instead of embracing it as it was. I went by, I didn’t know anymore what my style was, have I reached tunic peak?, I would wake up with night sweats in a constant state of “WTF is this”.
I persevered, kept looking for someone who would listen to me, instead of giving the sermon, and created my own village of a psychiatrist, a neurologist, an ObGyn, a therapist, and a functional medicine practitioner who all are helping with offsetting the excess of hormones my body is still producing.
AAAAAAAALLL of this on month n.2 of the #ruleoffive which, for those who are new, means THIS. Am I the over thinker? Always been and I take my closet and wardrobe and style and Fashion seriously. I don’t accept an answer that doesn’t satisfy my curiosity. Even for the damn clothes.
THOUGHT N.2
You want to look like you spent money without screaming it out loud: don’t loose focus.
THOUGHT N.3
That it looks simple doesn’t mean it’s not luxurious: the case of inverse snobbery.
THOUGHT N.4
As long as it’s not basic, flat or, worse, copied from someone on IG. And on the topic of social media and people watching, I am extremely proud of the selected group of people I befriended on IG, the only social media channel I use. Because they are a network of likeminded, educated, articulated, at times opinionated people.
I had a chain of one on one conversations with my IG friend Mari Foster, she made me consciously elaborate two concepts: wearing classic staples without looking basic, and how different textures make neutrals interesting by adding that oomph that makes you stop and look at yourself in the mirror and say: “look at you”.
THOUGHT N. 5
I have started enjoying getting dressed again.
On this note, it’s worth mentioning a conversation I had with @PalmBeachVintage about “getting dressed” and “dress up”. She recalled asking the late Iris Apfel if she dressed up for work and got this iconic answer: “I never dress up when I work”. Now that is the definition of personal style. FYI, I am a firm believer that dressing up is for Halloween, Carnival, a themed party, the Oscars, the MET Gala and agree with Mrs. Apfel that we get dressed to go to work, period. I found a renewed confidence in wearing what I want, mixing what the hell I like, digging stuff out of the closet and combining outfits I never worn before.