we are untold stories

We drink coffee, go to work, raise kids, nurture pets, feed plants, drive, make appointments on time, cry at movies, coexist with our menopausal belly, ingest pills not to let menstrual cramps interfere with the meeting, build spaceships, break nails, fold laundry while fixing a drink, never happy with the hair we have, forget what we were about to say, and catch a flight, all usually in a 24-hour cycle.

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Regardless of the physical, social, or legal status of MOTHER, motherhood happens.

There’s no perfection, no copy/paste, our bodies, moods, and inspirations evolve, yet we are told that social media imposters, or influencers, are the golden rule, that someone else is doing better than us or getting where you should be faster than us, we get paid less and asked to do what others can’t.

So, for all of the latter, there’s a “fuck off train” departing from every corner with seats always available.

If there’s ONE thing I would say is what my great-grandmother Ebe once told 10 yo me which I only understood decades later.

“You should never be the smartest woman in the room.”

— nonna Ebe

fashion is ...

How to describe fashion?

Because Fashion as I know it is different from whatever fashion is for someone born two and three decades ago.

Here’s how I see it:

whatever is NOW called “ethical” , “sustainable”, “Fair”, “slow” Fashion

IS

Fashion.

It’s all the rest that isn’t.

The concept of Fast Fashion was introduced to distinguish the practice based on craftsmanship, creativity, artistry, skills, talent, tradition, heritage from the dilapidation of all of the above for the benefit of the industrial mammoth model of overproduction, exploitation and overconsumption.

A system that took a turn for the wrong with an apparent intent of democratization.

And this is the blog post, it’s a lot to unload from every perspective, but I would hope it would serve as a lever of a wider system thinking revolution.

let's not be perfect

We have binged in a random series of RHBH from 2016 and the amount of $ and products wasted in unnecessary glam squads was nauseating.

My mutinous self blossomed like a paperwhite in the spring.

• There are two chapters in the book dedicated dive-in style to what not to do to dress/live/eat the Italian way: “Don’t take yourself too seriously” and “You don’t owe pretty to anyone”.

There isn’t a right or wrong way for being not perfect, what is perfect for you could be imperfect for me. Many things have changed in the last two years that I feel I owe you some details on how to not be perfect and happily ever after.

So to a year of:

no to flat stomach and yes to an overload of drapes;

imperfect smokey eye;

attempting at finding the perfect pose for a selfie/hating to pose and take a picture of yourself;

avoiding t-shirts loaded with feminist messages;

rewearing staples in different looks du jour, instead of repeating outfits;

deliberately not matching colors, but insisting on navy blue and black together;

maintaining the obsolete iPhone 7 alive and no Air Pods;

wearing stripes;

• aiming at preserving a certain mental equilibrium and taking breaks;

• NOT accepting the new state of being “pandemic fine”-noun-a state of being in which you are employed and healthy during a pandemic but also tired and depressed and feel like trash all the time;

• saying NO with no regrets or FOMO;

• shielding yourself from anxiety-provoking news;

• abundance of sparkle and a cig here and there, absence of flip flops, flannel pajamas;

• banned words: girlboss, hustle, “you can do it”;

• being single and OK with it;

• ignoring chromotherapy or whatever is called that thing that gives you a wheel of colors you should wear;

• not buying anything new, again. Turns out in 2021 I was able to manage a full overhaul of my wardrobe after I realized my body had changed and there was no going back, but I had also committed to the no new clothes. I kept the promise with second-hand apps. my seamstress and hand-me-downs;

• delete/eliminate/ignore toxic people/relationships/other people’s opinions/phone contacts;

• no flip-flops allowed or furry slides.

The hacks for a successful sustainable thrifting or second hand hunt

Now that we have established that thrifting and second-hand/consignment/vintage purchases are the first and most tangible practice to make your life and your wardrobe more sustainable, let’s do it right.

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First things first, I want to get this out of the way. There’s people that still frown upon buying used clothes and when asked what is it that turns them off is they think they are dirty and smell like mothballs. There’s nothing more disheartening than to listening to adults coming up with unfounded excuses like “climate change is a hoax” ok? Have you ever seen the sanitary and physical conditions of the places where fast fashion is produced? So let’s put things into perspective.

Is there such a thing as overconsumption of thrifted clothes?

I am not sure if “overconsumption”, but definitely you can end up hoarding thrifted clothes, and that’s not sustainable, it’s a catch 22, and a revolving door of clothes, you don’t have time to wear them and can’t grow attached to them. A friend told me: I have to find a way to control myself with thrifting, every trip I come back with a bag full of clothes and my monthly budget wasted on it.

It may sound a contradiction, but it’s common. You keep buying because the price was ridiculously low and couldn’t resist, and because ‘you never know’ and end up accumulating a closet full of stuff, occupying lots of space, cluttering mind and luggages, storage and shelves for no reason.

Do you know that more than 50% of what we own we don’t wear? No matter what type of trick we do to ourselves (rotation, switching the wardrobes, twisting the hanger) we still don’t wear it, so why have it?

It takes time and you must enjoy the process, we have grown used to the immediate gratification of a shopping cart.

Be creative and open minded.

The first mental switch is “use your own imagination” because whatever you’ll find you will probably remotely remind you what you saw on a runway or in a magazine you can certainly go to your favorite thrift store, access your consignment but won’t be the same. It takes time and you must enjoy the process, we have grown used to the immediate gratification of a shopping cart. It also exercises your knowledge of your style, what you are or could be comfortable with and expands your boundaries (I now own 1 red piece, never seen before in my closet)

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What do I do to not overspend my budget?

A thrift store has merchandize priced ridiculously low, but still if you buy everything to keep instead of reselling, it becomes burdening. Go only with cash and that’ll settle it, like a kid with allowance.

Do short and targeted visits. Use your lunch time so you’ll have restrained time and you’ll concentrate on what you are looking for, go to that section and remember, that man tailoring is way better: blazers and pants especially.

Know a good tailor and seamstress: anything that you buy will have to be altered and sometimes mended.

Off season: the best time to find something is off season. A coat or a leather jacket you have much more choice as soon as spring starts, my empirical explanation is that people get rid of them when they clean up at the change of season.

Just plain E N J O Y, not all the times you’ll find something, and that’s perfectly fine.

Slow Fashion Challenge 2019: the last stretch

This past June 21st I have started a three-month long restricted diet: no new clothes.

Why?

The only way to turn the wave of sustainable living lays within each one of us. The major obstacle to transitioning the fashion business from polluting to clean one is over production. Fast fashion colossal businesses strive in a force-fed system of overflowing customers eyes with products produced faster than chicken that in 2 weeks has to grow a lifetime to become a patty.

In front of millions of tonnes of garments spitted out of those infamous production chains every week, the daily actions of one single person may seem a drop in the ocean, but we are in a state of emergency, everyone must do something.

I have pledged to not buying for three months last year and I ended up filling the closet up with second hand clothes purchased on the whim and the high of an irresistible deal, with the promise I would find a way to wear them somehow. At the end of the summer, when I did my switching of the closets, I collected a pile of clothes for donation that was almost equivalent to the amount of clothes I had purchased. That addiction to the thrill of the bargain was still lingering.

See where I went?

The same mistake of over spending done with a clean conscience doesn’t make it sustainable by no means.

Although many people thinks of it that way.

Nobody is perfect, something had gone real wrong, at the end my superfluous second hand clothing became third hand and I was lucky enough that was swapped and became somebody else’s treasure. But, there had to be a better way of applying sustainable practices than going back to square one.

I pledged again, this time I had some virtual buddies, I somehow coerced my daughter in the game, but I had also a visual plan of keeping it unique, chic and minimal. The more you keep the racks of your closet clean, the more your imagination has to be the one on over run, because at the end of the road minimal can become boring, like a marriage. I always say, or maybe that was Mary Poppins, that if you prefer shopping in your closet first, you are half way through the most elegant finish line.

Success has a thousand mothers, failure is an orphan.

I went through so many mishaps, trials and errors, one too many times I ended up having an overflowing closet full of garments that didn’t mean anything to me. Still I grew up guided by the image of my grandmother’s armoire, by her rituals of moving the garments up and down according to the seasons, spot washing, ironing, polishing, repairing, mending knits, fastening a button, replacing a zipper with the same attention and love that she’d keep my smoking dresses for all the cousins to come, not to mention guarding them for my daughter.

Thinking back at all of the above, I had the privilege of growing up surrounded by craftsmanship, art and history, in a family where we cherished the example of the previous generations as an inspiration instead of something to steer away from. I learned skills like cross stitching, sewing, knitting mending, fixing and cooking on the go, that is, we were never sat to be taught, we were living and learning.

Enough though, how do we survive another month of not buying NEW clothes? By checking in with the something we overlook when taken by the whirlwind of buying sprees: #wearyourvalues

Some considerations ahead.

• Is less more? It’s up to you to make it more by purchasing things that have the umpf, that carry enough quality that you want them to last.

• Use the stop and smell the roses cliche’ and ask questions when you buy something, the same way you want to buy local honey.

• If you buy second hand and the description doesn’t include the composition of the fabric or yarn, ask for it.

• Pre screen the brands you choose to buy from, even if it’s a re-sale item, keep yourself informed with the Good on You app, the Fashion Revolution Transparency Index, become familiar with the Common Objective website.

• You become a “consumer” after you wear, care for and cherish your clothing, a “mindless spender” for the sake of the trend or the Instagram influencer. I am not here to criminalize bloggers or influencers, they need to live too, but their role of serving as sirens to Ulysses is so over.

• Look for the storyteller, appreciate the talent, efforts, workmanship, research and creativity behind designer collections.

• Collaborate with your local consignment store and ask them to keep an eye for that piece from that collection you would like to own.

All of the above looks like a hell of a lot of work, but that’s how you end up saving money for quality pieces that will make you feel empowered to wear them day in and day out. Because, one thing we never do: we don’t keep Sunday’s bests, we wear semi couture to the green market.

• One more thing, I wish it had been my idea, but I read it on the Man Repeller that somehow started integrating conversations on sustainability, probably out a need of connecting with a selected slice of their readers (hem … me?) and to counterbalance their selling platform. This idea of reverse layering is an organized way of putting the more spontaneous “style yourself without any preconceived obligations of uniformed office dressing or cocktail attire.” In other word, who says that you cannot wear a bra top over a shirt or a skirt over a dress?

“One of my favorite things to do toward the end of a season—both out of necessity and for my own amusement—is to daydream about new ways to wear the clothes in my closet that are starting to feel old. I observe zero limits when it comes to the kinds of styling experiments this can entail, and to be honest, sometimes the results are surprising even to me.”

— E. Tamkin x Man Repeller

reverse layering

What happened in a week of restricted social networking in pills

After trying to quit Facebook for a couple of years, I did it, cold feet December 31st. The decision came after having taken already distance and measures to distance myself from the it: I never downloaded the Facebook App on the phone nor I have ever activated the Messenger feature from the phone. “Nevertheless they persisted” people kept writing me on Messenger expecting an answer from me when I had repeatedly announced that “if you need to communicate with me, chances are you know my phone number, email or you can reach me on Instagram where I am active”.

Does people really pay attention to what you write on Facebook?

I became disenchanted, but mainly, couldn’t afford the vulgarity, lack of manners and overall bad vibes of my feed in my network. Even people that I regarded as friends seemed to click a bitch switch when they entered the realm, that’d go like “let me go to FB, I need to vent and blurt some shit out, and, please, I don’t want to hear your opinion”. It became a place to be bombarded, no conversation, monologues, no interaction, no chances to agree with disagree, a divisive, toxic environment, not social and not networking. I would turn a devil myself the moment I would visit the network. What good it does to me not having a TV, not watching the news, having blocked the president in all his social media feeds, if I have to receive the darts from Facebook?

In other words: no regrets, no need to look back.

Question is that my screen time didn’t decrease (you know that little feature on the iPhone?). Little that I know, I was unconsciously reversing all that time wasted in polluted Facebook on Instagram.

That isn’t “clearing the swamp”. So I imposed myself on a 2-hour daily time, way, way less than what it was. The following is what I found out of myself. It was like going to rehab.

First day: I can do it. Bim, bum, bam posted.

Second day: I can’t do it. I post and never have the time to reply, look at other people’s feeds, and their stories. Now that I have started posting mini videos of myself?

Third day: It’s not fair. Right??? This is me talking to myself. I have already cut down Facebook, why now limiting drastically my perfectly honed awesome Instagram network and the fabulous chat I have with them? They’ll think I am rude.

Fourth day (in the morning, trying to make sense to my self-conversation of the night before): Remember you should use the extra time to socially network, as in go out, have coffees, meet people, interact, window shop, connect with nature, all that stuff they say you should be doing more. You don’t do new years resolutions, but you have your magic word for 2019, be courageous and step out. I swear all of the above was going on in my head while that hourglass was looking at me that my time was out.

Fifth day: I don’t have friends, nobody is available when I am, my life is a failure.

Six day: I rested, like God on the seventh day. Released the 2-hour limit to 3 and a half, seems about right.

Six day - update: I bailed myself out by lifting the restriction on the weekend. Also, you have to realize that this is the month of the men shows, which is kind of ok, although many designers throw women looks down the runway, like Miuccia, but right after is Couture and then is the real deal fashion month.

LESSONS LEARNED

I need to work on my physical social network. Does it really show that I am such a non-fan of Miami by not having a social group of friends I hang out with? That is a deep Alice’s rabbit hole, I don’t have an answer nor I have the type of Sex & the City group of friends. Talking with my brother, also, we have come to the conclusion that my mom never had one group like I didn’t have one. Lone wolverines? Oh, I am glad Cecilia has her rat pack and didn’t take it from her mama, like her mama took it from hers.

I have elevated my focus on limiting my screen time, good for the soul, the eyes, the development of social skills like conversation.

I read. I had so many articles bookmarked, many ideas came out, also discovered the best place to buy Manolo Blahniks thanks to Leandra Medine of the MAN REPELLER.

I went out. found out there’s a people watching and window shopping vibe around my neighborhood and I don’t miss anything if I choose to go instead to my pool overlooking the bay and peek at the sun setting on the backdrop of the Miami Beach buildings. It could be worse.

Got to speculate about decisions. When you choose to modify your direction, change gear, chances are you are steering away from your comfort zone. It’ll be uncomfortable, it will not be perfect, but you gotta try and give it your best shot. Be courageous.

I had time to splurge on. I have exhausted the most appealing Netflix binge-worthy series. There’s always Amazon Prime.

I opened a shop on Depop: why didn’t anyone tell me before?

Made in Italy at The Wolfsonian

The role of MITA, the Manifattura Italiana Tappeti Artistici from Genova, and its collaborations with frontrunners artists of the likes of Fortunato Depero, Gio Ponti, Arnaldo Pomodoro in the evolution of modernism from the Fascism era to the1970s.

The Wolfsonian inaugurated Made in Italy: MITA Textile Design 1926 – 1976, a collaborative exhibition with The Wolfsoniana, its sister museum in Genova.

“Made in Italy illustrates a cross-section of Italian creativity orchestrated by one of the most resourceful entrepreneurs of the twentieth century,”

— Silvia Barisione - Wolfsonian curator

The exhibition takes one back in time, along a trail of succession of avant-garde art movements, from Futurism to Abstract Expressionism through luxurious craftsmanship.  Shrewd entrepreneur and founder of MITA Mario Alberto Ponis projected the traditional manufacturing art of hand-knotted rugs to the wider spectrum of design and art.

With collaborations spanning decades that exude the classic artisanal traditions, MITA reinvented the conversation working with out-of-the-box thinkers of Modernism and extended their offerings to textile drawings, ceramic pieces and tapestries. After the long intermission of WWII, that saw the newly designed factory converted in a military facility and subsequently occupied by the Germans after the Italian armistice, the post war production represent an advancement in collaborative pieces. From creating one-of-a-kind productions for private homes, bars, clubs, restaurants, MITA’s footsteps in the world of interiors, culminated with being commissioned to produce upholsteries for Italian ocean liners and shipping vessels such as the Andrea Doria. 

“Made in Italy illustrates a cross-section of Italian creativity orchestrated by one of the most resourceful entrepreneurs of the twentieth century,” said Silvia Barisione, Wolfsonian curator.

The exhibition showcases the invaluable and colossal body of work of an Italian factory that traveled around the world representing how merging new technology, artisanal tradition and avant-garde artistic input characterized the evolution of Italian taste. 

Fall is for changing wardrobes

Chapter four of the book explains the lengthy, tedious, and exhilarating process of switching wardrobes with the changing seasons.

I still get the blank face when I tell people that yes even if I live in sunny all year long Miami, I switch wardrobes, but then when I go deeper and start asking questions and pretty much all the times I realize that although everyone has one system of organizing their closet, there are clothes that they wear in the summer that in the winter really not, same as evening stuff hangs separately from working attire.

We end up agreeing that, especially if you live in newer buildings where closet space is ridiculous, why clutter with stuff that you don’t wear?

If I can convince just one person of the benefits of switching wardrobes I am happy, and if you are that one and decide that it’s time to pull your most summer clothes aways from sight, this is also the time to eliminate the useless, the stuff that although it’s been hanging there, it’s been catching dust or the stains of the hanger.

Here’s the questions that, if you’d do a closet cleaning with me, I’d ask you. They are not the usual ones and hope you’ll enjoy.

FIRST THINGS FIRST: ELIMINATE WHAT YOU KEEP TRYING TO WEAR AND DOESN’ T WORK

My favorite question and the one that nobody asks you. Those just go, they are not becoming and chances are they don’t deserve any waste of your time. The process of choosing what to wear in the morning or for an occasion is psychological, sociological, cultural and very much related to the moon, the stars or whatever crap affects your mood that moment, even if it’s your neighbor’s dog barking. It’s many feelings all together, but if they are not conducive to a better you, they are not worth it.

WILL I EVER FIT IN THIS AGAIN?

Bam.

That’s not the right question to ask yourself on many levels. It depletes your confidence and diminishes your self-esteem under peer pressured “thin is good” image. If you haven’t worn that piece in a while it could be ‘cause of many reasons, but before that the question is “is this piece worth keeping?” It could be a made to measure suit, a family heirloom which you’d keep for the next generation, it could represent a pivotal moment in your life (I still have my first pair of Levis 501, because it’s like the first kiss), the intrinsic value, which only belongs to you, is what should help you make the decision, weight comes and goes, like seasons and men.

WHY IS THIS IS STILL HANGING HERE AND I NEVER WORN IT?

Fair.

Last time I asked myself that question I was at my lowest point of self-esteem professionally, spiritually and personally, between a body that had changed after the birth of my daughter, changing jobs and residence because I was getting divorced: can you imagine a most perfect definition of a shitshow? And right then, when I had to resize in budget, pounds, closet space and donate stuff for free was when the whole system crashed. What I had bought was stuff, not fashion nor quality, it was worth just a pile of ill-fitting clothes, there was nothing to resale. That same pile of mindless purchases had caused a little bit of a credit card damage, credit that now I could use in a different way. After the purge, all was left worth altering, mending, fixing and sprucing up were all those same pieces that I had brought with me from Italy, the wardrobe I had been lucky to curate buying at sample sales and custom made by my dress maker. When quality speaks. 

SHALL I COLOR COORDINATE OR DIVIDE BY TYPOLOGY.

Duh.

Abso-lutely. Again, positive on so many aspects of your life, that you’ll thank me later. The time spent in the closet looking for the right combination shrinks, the ideas of assembling things that you’d never think of putting together multiply, clarity and organization will make your mind brisk and your heart skip a bit.

IF I PUT THIS AWAY UNTIL NEXT SEASON, SHALL I STILL WANT TO WEAR IT OR IT’S TOO TRENDY?

Tough.

I find that many clothes speak to me, mean something. There are some I wear exclusively to work, that mean business and aren’t child at play in the park enough to enjoy during the weekend or on vacation, sometimes we ought to look beyond and just choose, when making a decision. My best time to toss is when I pack for a move , when I am already in the state of mind of clearing paths and move forward.

WHAT’S MY FAVORITE PIECE

It will make you giggly, I have things that go on rotation, I have things that I only wear when I feel energetic and at peace with myself, and things I wear when I am bloated, PMSing and when I hate everybody. I have these perfect of baggy khaki pants that I remember when and whom with and where I bought them, it was 5 years ago and they had lost my luggage at Malpensa. They always fit the purpose and make me look perfect and polished.

 AND MY MOST HATED ONE

This is a good one and you’ll be surprised, but in resuming the clothes from the past season, there will always be something that reminds you of an unpleasant moment, a person to forget, and, it’s totally fine, go for it. I had these two coulottes I erroneously purchased under the impulse of the sales and I really never liked how they’d fit me. I truly disliked them, they made me look huge in the wrong places, unflattering. And “because they were on sale” I bought two colors, ended up being unworn and donated to the thrift store.

At the end of your journey, that will take a whole weekend at least, you’ll feel you went through the ghost of Christmas past, present and future, and maybe a bottle of prosecco, but you’ll feel so regenerated, clean, pristine.